Avoiding burnout on the path to FIRE

The FIRE movement tends to attract people of a similar personality type.

• People who think outside the box and like to go against the grain of society.
• People who are entrepreneurial, typical type-A personalities who set high standards for themselves.
• People, who are key candidates for burnout.

Those who follow the blog regularly may have noticed a lack of activity of late and that is because I was going through some pretty rough mental health issues which I now believe were caused by burnout.

I am now on the path to recovery but I wanted to share my story in the hopes that it will help others catch it early or better yet avoid it all together on their own paths to FIRE. To let you know that you are not alone and that help and relief are available if you are willing and able to seek it.

The pandemic has been hard for everyone in many ways. We are a social species and prolonged isolation is not in our nature. As a result, mental health issues have become a completely separate pandemic.

My path to burnout

Looking back, my personal struggles started at the very beginning of the first lockdown.

I was already running on empty. I was still sleep-deprived, still breastfeeding with whatever toll that was taking on my body and starting back to work after maternity leave feeling all the guilt of leaving my baby.

Still, I had been looking forward to getting back to the normality of getting dressed for work, getting out of the house, being with other adults, going on work nights out etc – all for that to be taken away with remote work.

At the beginning, Mr. MH and I were both working in shifts while taking turns minding our son, like many families had to do without child-care, until we decided to go down to one income. We had no family support, albeit self-imposed due to where we chose to live, and I had no idea when I was going to see my family again.

We experienced loss and weren’t able to go to the funerals. Mr. MH was minding a sick relative and was gone for a few days at a time at various points throughout the pandemic. Mr. MH is also immunocompromised so we were particularly fearful for his life.

On top of all of this, I was still trying to ramp up the blog. I was working 4 days a week at my day job, working 2 days a week on the blog and spending all the other waking minutes thinking of how to grow the business or feeling guilty for not doing more.

Then when our son started playschool, we had many weeks of being sick as is the norm when kids are building up their immune systems. This stream of sickness was topped off with a bout of food poisoning and the loss of our pet.

Realisling something was not right

My low mood slowly crept in and as it was so gradual I didn’t notice the difference.

It wasn’t until my parents came to visit that my mom was the one to point it out. As they hadn’t been around me in person for almost 2 years, they could see the difference in my demeanour in stark contrast to my usual self.

I am normally a very positive person, I practice mindfulness and gratitude on a nearly daily basis where I think to myself how blessed and lucky I am to be able to do the most mundane of things. When my mom saw that I was always tired, she commented that something wasn’t right. At first, I brushed it off but then, slowly, I started to question things.

When was the last time I had a positive outlook on things? When was the last time I felt gratitude for the mundane? When was the last time I woke up feeling rested? When was the last time I felt joyful? I honestly couldn’t remember.

I then started to look at my physical issues.

• I was tired all the time despite getting decent sleep most nights
• I was having extreme mood swings throughout my cycle which had never happened before
• I was irritable, had sporadic insomnia, went through days of uncontrollable crying
• The smallest of problems were monumental and the only perceived solutions to them were extreme

Ultimately my mood was severely impacting my marriage, my work and my quality of life.

Looking at these issues now, you would think, how could you not have known something was not right? Maybe it was that I thought this was how everyone was feeling throughout the pandemic and this was just part of it.

Regardless, I decided it was time to get help.

Getting help

I started a list with 2 columns. 1 column listed all my problems, the other listed possible solutions. At the time my thought process was that a combination of exercise, time in nature, time off work, talk therapy and self-care would go a long way.

Unfortunately, when you’re feeling so low and not in control of your emotions, you don’t have the energy or willpower to even begin to take action.

My very first step was to say “I am not ok” out loud to someone else. To acknowledge to myself that I wasn’t ok and needed help.

Talking with friends and family who I knew had gone through something similar was my next step. Everyone I talked to had a different way of looking at things and gave me a different perspective. It was these conversations that pushed me to get more concrete help.

Here is a list of things I tried:

Physical

• Booked a GP appointment
  • they validated that my physical symptoms could be exasperated by low mood. I was encouraged to seek counselling and was prescribed anti-depressants. Even though I did not feel I was depressed or anxious, they confirmed that anti-depressants are used to treat all kinds of imbalances.
• Booked an acupuncture session
  • this session helped with the grief I experienced from the loss of my grandmother and our family pet
• Started taking probiotics
  • so much research is linked to the importance of gut health, a recent study highlights the potentially positive effect of probiotics and prebiotics on anxiety and depression symptoms. This may occur thanks to better gut health, since a considerable amount of the body’s serotonin is produced in the digestive tract
• Started taking vitamin D
  • I struggle in winters in Ireland due to 1 hour less daylight than home, I usually deal with this by booking a sun holiday early in the new year but unable to during the pandemic so need to top up on vitamin D through supplements
• Bought a SAD (seasonal affective disorder) lamp
  • I tried this lamp in addition to vitamin D in an effort to boost my mood, I would put it on for the first 30 minutes of my work day
• Started going for 20 minute brisk walks as much as possible and in nature where possible
  • Nature can be incredibly healing and has been proven to reduce stress hormone production, improve feelings of happiness and free up creativity, as well as lower heart rate and blood pressure, boost the immune system and accelerate recovery from illness
• Tried to eat more healthy
  • When you’re feeling low it can be very tempting to eat convenient things like crisps and chocolate. When I found myself going to the desert cupboard I’d try to opt for something healthier like fruit, yougurt, cheese, crackers, rice cakes etc. Better yet avoid the temptation and stop buying those things all together for a while. If you ever read anything about the microbiome and gut-health it can be a real eye-opener into what you put into your body and the impact on your overall health as well as mental health.

Mental

• Booked an appointment for counselling through the EAP (employer assistance program) services offered through my employer
  • they confirmed I would better be helped through open counselling and recommended I find a dedicated therapist.
• Asked my friends/family for recommendations of therapists
  • finding a good fit with a therapist is extremely important, there are some you will click with and others you won’t, like any other relationship. In order to get the most out of the service you need to have the right fit, you will know quite quickly if it’s the right fit. Some offer a free 15 minute consultation to help assess this.
• Booked free consultation
  • I got more out of the 15 minute consutation than I did out of the hour call with the previous counsellor. I then continued counselling with this provider
• Uninstalled Facebook from my phone
  • Scrolling through Facebook, especially through finance related posts made me feel like a failure because I didn’t have the energy to contribute to this blog and build an online business in the timeframe I would have liked. Uninstalling Facebook from my phone resulted in far less exposure to it.
• Followed positive mental health channels on instagram
  • While my personal instagram feed is full of random things I have followed, my mrsmoneyhacker instagram feed is very limited and as a result I get a much more curated and inspiring feed. Mental health channels I found helpful were thementorhouse, mentality_facts, alphamotivation0 and millionairesteps
• Stopped watching the news
  • This is one I have done for a long time now but thought it was worth mentioning as I always find the news depressing. When you’re already feeling low, you don’t need even more heavy content to bring you down further. Don’t worry, you won’t miss anything important, you will hear about anything you need to hear about from other people or other content you consume.
• Increased guilt free self-care
  • Like many people through the pandemic, life became very monotonous. Especially with a young toddler it started to feel more like survival than living. Giving yourself permission to do things that you enjoy guilt free becomes so much more important. I would feel guilty for taking time for myself because I felt like I should be giving Mr. MH a break from childcare. The problem is you have so much less of yourself to give when you don’t take care of your base needs. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive, it can be taking a few minutes for yourself to listen to music, have a warm shower, read a book, go for a walk with a friend – anything you like to do to make you feel calm. I started planning child-free walks/coffees with friends, going for walks in nature on my own and reading light read books.
• Joined online forums for specific issues
  • If you’re struggling with something specific, there is probably a Facebook group or other online forum with many people in the same situation. These online communities can be a big support when you need someone to talk to that is in the same situation.
• Increased quality time with Mr. MH
  • Although we were stuck in the same house all the time with little outside interaction, we got out of the habit of spending any quality time together. As we couldn’t go to a restaurant or cinema or other typical dates, we got into a routine of doing our own thing in our limited alone time in the evenings. This left me feeling really disconnected and even more isolated. Agreeing to spend 20-30 minutes per evening with no TV, no phone and just sit/cuddle/talk with each other made the world of difference to me.

Once I recognised that I wasn’t myself, I was able to start taking steps to get better.

I will say that it was really hard to ask for help. It took me a long time to book a GP appointment and a long time to book a counselling session. I kept getting stuck. I’d get as far as googling but would get overwhelmed and not be able to actually book anything. I fought the idea of taking medications, the potential side effects scared me but having the prescription alone felt like a bit of a crutch. In the end, I couldn’t take my mood swings anymore and started taking them.

I’m not sure what did the trick and it’s very early days in my road to recovery but I’m feeling much more stable and getting back to my old self. It’s a huge relief and I hope that sharing this journey will give someone else the tools to seek help.

Again, you are not alone and help is out there if you’re able to seek it.

In another post, I will give some of the top tips I learned from counselling where I feel they are more universal and could benefit anyone.

Irish Supports

If you feel you need mental health support, there are many affordable supports available.

Firstly, check with your employer assistance program and/or for mental health support /counselling coverage on your health insurance.

A list of other available supports can be found in the list below.

Service	Phone
Your Mental Health Information on mental health supports and services closest to you	1800 111 888
Samaritans Listening and support in times of need	116 123
Aware Information and support for anxiety, depression or mood-related conditions	1800 80 48 48
Pieta free therapy to those engaging in self-harm, with suicidal ideations, or bereaved by suicide	1800 247 247
Suicide Support and Information Provides info on bereavement following suicide and responding to people at risk of suicide	Website
Text about it free 24/7 text service providing everything from a calming chat to immediate support for people going through a mental health or emotional crisis – big or small	Text HELLO to 50808
Parentline Offers parents support, information and guidance on all aspects of being a parent and any parenting issues	01 873 3500